2012 9100 Gingerbread

I was crushed when the 9100 holiday committee decided (in a meeting I was not present for) that there would be no more raffle for Christmas.  I still wanted to bake anyway.  I had one coworker who wanted an assembled, undecorated house to decorate with her children, and another coworker who had requested one for her two kids last year when I was finished decorating.  A third coworker's marriage recently ended and a messy custody battle is starting and I had left over dough with her kids in mind.

I hadn't done much with my baked on sugar cookie last year, so this year, the shingles, the candy canes, all the miniture trees - I cut and baked them all on the gingerbread pieces before assembly.

 

An example of the house wall.

And then the second project, which went together quickly and had a lot of inspiration going for it

I have done these in the past with a stack of oreo cookies.  I bought some, and the oreos fell apart.  They used to take some skill to open, but they've made them much easier - it was harder to keep them together than to open them.  So, I took leftover dough and made a stack of cookies of my own.

I made little sugar cookie anchors for the candy canes.

And taking inspiration from some "Pinata Cookie" idea I saw online (these are so amazingly impressive):

http://www.sheknows.com/food-and-recipes/articles/958083/cinco-de-mayo-pinata-cookies

I did something much, much simpler.  The reindeer on top is three separate cookies with the tails cut off except for the middle, and the legs and antlers cut off the middle cookie. 

Best piece of news yet, the Recreation Therapy Department has asked if I would bake for them if the Holiday Committee doesn't want a house.  So, I'm back and making money for the comfort of my patients during the holidays next year! 

Thanks everyone for your support and interest.  I know I was a little brief this time, but if you have any questions about the techniques, icing, dough, whatever, I am happy to answer those questions.  The box kits are getting bigger and fancier every year, but I know you can do this too.

 

Aiki-Ninjabread Cookies

I can't be the only one out there who got these cookie cutters this year.  I got two sets - one from an old girlfriend and one from Mom.  "John, I saw these and I just thought of you!" 

I'm not a ninja.  I've done Aikido since 1990, Taiji (Yang style since 1990, Chen since 2000, and Wu Hao since 2005), and I have orange belts in Shotokan Karate and Judo that predate my ever moving to the USA.  I started Nine Dragon Baguazhang in 2005, and now I am a certified teacher.  But no Ninjitsu.

Using my sugar cookie on sugar cookie technique, this:

Became this:

So, a perfect gift afterall.  Even if I'm not a ninja.

 

Meditation on the Heaven Gua

Heaven Palm was my first palm that I studied.  I had the most difficulty with it.  Of course, I was still trying to learn the idea of a palm at the same time as learning what it meant to be Heaven.

Heaven is the Father Palm, the pure Yang gua.  That had a number of negative connotations for me, but mostly because I didn’t understand what Heaven was.  Would Heaven even be appropriate in a hospital setting?

Heaven is a used frequently in a Judeo-Christian sense, but this is not Heaven Palm. 

The one translation is Sky Palm, but the cold, unobtainable and ultimately intangible and colourless sky did not give me a helpful image to work with. 

The linear, domineering tactical attitude of Heaven is also something I hadn’t really been drawn to Baguazhang for.  I wanted to spiral and twist and dodge and be as hard to grab as smoke.

There is no animal or image from nature to look at and call, “Heaven.”  I spent hours looking at bonfires and candles when I studied Fire.  I can remember Kingsmere Lake during a hurricane, and many summers on the Churchill River for Lake Palm.  I can’t do something similar to point the way to Heaven.

Pure Yang.  This means the Male attitude.  Women can be Heaven, but does this mean that they have to act male?  I remember a friend finishing his PhD in Engineering, getting a keg and drinking most of it himself.  He drank until he vomited, then in a blind stupor used his wife’s toothbrush to get rid of the vomit taste in his mouth.  I remember his wife so clearly pissed at him saying, “That is so…MALE!!!!”  Maybe so, but not Heaven-ly.

I have heard thugs and bullies being referred to as having too much “Yang” energy.  Dogs that need to be put down for the good of society.  Not Heaven.

Little yappy dogs wrapping their legs around anything and everything and rutting on it – maybe an excess of Yang, but not Heaven.

Incoherant, brainless rage and power, like the Incredible Hulk or a Viking berserker?  Out of control mindless destruction that is a danger to everyone around – very Yang, but not Heaven either.

The guy from nearly every cop movie ever made whose role is to be loudly wrong-headed at every turn, looking like a testosterone overdosed idiot who makes life exasperating for the hero of the movie and probably provides most of the comic relief or a minor disgustingly pathetic villain...Yang, but not Heaven either.

I was told that reading the iChing is not the answer to understanding the palm, but it worked for me reading up on several Fire translations.  So, here is my interpretation of a synthesis of several iChing translations on Heaven.

The one translation calls the Heaven Hexagram, “Creative Power.”  Creativity is associated with artistry, and not immediately thought of as Yang.  But, the foundation of Creativity is the belief that I can create something that deserves to be made, something that deserves to exist, that I can make something better than it currently is and maybe even better than it appears in nature.  For a health care professional, it starts with faith in one’s diagnostic skills and one’s ability to help.  It starts with, “I can improve this, I am the right person with the right skills at the right time and the right place to make this better.”

In the change lines, Creativity and power are not embraced for their own sake.  There is a time and place for Heaven.  Heaven is perceptive, and self aware.  Heaven assesses the situation with constant unrelenting Honesty to myself and others at all times.  Heaven sees the need to be proactive, and sometimes the need to stay still.  Heaven clearly sees the cost of acting or not acting, and is very mindful.  Heaven, even when it does nothing, even when it waits, its being firm and decisive.

Dominance is not embraced just for the sake of dominance.  If I came across someone whose heart had stopped, I would answer to the Cardiologist but take over from the family member who hasn’t learned CPR, and still be expressing Heaven.  Heaven accepts that the best course of action might be combining efforts or implementing the ideas of others, or it might demand that one leads.  Heaven has a vision, and a goal and a diamond hard focused intent.  Heaven has wisdom, perception and intelligence with its decisiveness, drive and inspiration. 

The final change line explains Heaven the best to me.  Heaven is not about me.  Heaven is about having a balanced and well defined character, a moral fiber that doesn’t change with the tides of fortune.  Heaven wants to have a visible beneficial outcome in the world.  Heaven wants your life to be prominent and valuable to everyone around you and the entire world. 

Alternative Health Practices in Cancer Treatment

I had someone a few years ago ask for an online martial arts group to provide information on “Alternative Health Practices.”  He had a friend who had breast cancer, and he was trying to help her.  She was resisting his attempts to help, "she was too proud," and it sounded like she did not share his belief system.

While I do note that I am an oncology nurse in this blog, I have never actually written about anything related to cancer treatment or my professional life.  This is an issue I still feel strongly about, and I wanted to submit this letter with a few modifications to the larger world.  For those people who identify themselves as Alternative Practitioners, I prefer to use the term Complimentary Therapies - I don't see myself as an "alternative" to you, and I am happy to work with you.  I have used Taiji for years to recover from a number of injuries.  I do practice meditation regularly.  I'm actually not a non-believer.  What I believe just isn't the point.

***********

There have been many sad and serious situations that I have had to live and work through because well-meaning people tried to have a loved one do or believe something that they simply could not. 

When the body has rebelled in the form of cancer and a woman has to see her feminine identity as the thing that will kill her, she is threatened by everything around her and within her.  She is dying because of herself, literally.  She's already afraid, and already under attack.  

Pride is what passes for inner strength.  I love a sassy patient. I love the ones who talk back.  The ones who are the most compliant are the ones who are dead inside already. They are the easiest ones to do something to, but they are the hardest to help.  Rejoice in her pride.  Guide her passion and pride and feel grateful for it.  You will only lose if you engage in a fight with the last piece of her still standing strong.  Either you'll break on it and lose a friend, or you will break the last piece of her still standing up and choosing to live.

As a nurse I have had families insist on praying over bags of chemotherapy, which I am happy to let happen but once a family insisted on this when a drug was going to expire and be useless within an hour.  I needed to make a choice, and I had them pray as the bag was hanging.  I recognize they had bought into something that mattered to them, and I believe it made a difference.

I have alternative practitioners who insist that the patient lie to their health professional because "we won't understand or we will judge them harshly.”  After 22 years in internal arts and practices, I am better experienced and more versed than some local alternative practitioners who question me because I am "western medicine.”  Most oncology pharmacists are well versed in the available treatments out there, and yes, many of those treatments DO affect what we are trying to do.  Even vitamins can adversely affect some chemotherapies. It is always best for the patient to be honest with us and all other practitioners, and always a problem if they are encouraged to see us as the people they cannot be honest with.

Years ago a desperate woman bought herbal remedies to help with her colon cancer.  She had not explained she was on chemo, as the herbalist said it was all poison, and she never discussed what she was doing with her oncologist (she thought her doctor would laugh at her). Both her chemo and her herbal remedy each gave her diarrhea, and with the nausea from her chemo (the antiemetic pills were "western medicine") she was admitted nearly dead from dehydration and she broke her hip slipping on her own feces while struggling to the bathroom. I had to admit her in this sorry state.  She couldn’t tell me what she'd done, and the relative who had acquired the herbs for her wouldn’t.  It took days to find out what had happened to her, and her family was terrified.  We were ready to stop treatment thinking she could not tolerate her chemotherapy and our best efforts were too lethal.  Her family thought the cancer was out of control and ravaging her body to make her so sick.  If all her practitioners had been fully informed, I don't believe she would have been on both these diarrhea causing agents simultaneously.

Telling someone that they have to buy into a treatment to make it work means the patient gets blamed when it doesn't.  It's their fault they didn't believe enough.  This is not just aimed at Chinese medicine practitioners, but a beef I have with fundamentalist Christianity as well.  "God will cure you if you pray."  So, if no cure, the patient or their loved ones never prayed enough or never believed enough or they were deemed unworthy by God.  "Maybe cancer is God's punishment," soon followed by, "Maybe God doesn't exist."  No one with cancer deserves to feel punished and abandoned by God and the people they love.

Once a woman was given seaweed puree to drink because it was supposed to help her, and there was a huge argument amongst the family when in the midst of nausea she couldn't drink the putrid smelling thick green mess.  The family fought her, then fought me when I supported her getting nutrition in a way that she could stomach. What the family missed was I was there for her, and they were against her.  The patient felt abandoned by her family's display of "love."

I recognize that love is a two edged sword. It's why the loved ones all rally around the patient and love drives the desperation to find a cure. When a wife is trying to force food down her dying husband's throat and starts to cry out, "If you really loved me you would eat this" I recognize that this comes from love. But what a sad last memory for the husband whose throat no longer works and whose digestive system has shut down. He cannot love his wife enough to override reality, and he is punished for this with his dying breath. 

If she's afraid and resisting what you want her to do, be there for her.  It's hard.  You can't force her to believe something she doesn't.  You can't help by being one more attacker in the midst of a whole universe against her.  Support her and help with her and keep your options of the things you would like to offer her open.  They'll be open eventually if you are a friend; those options will close if you try to force yourself on her.  Just be a friend.  

People make their own choices.  It can turn my stomach to see the choices people make sometimes and it can break my heart, but I can only work with them.  I can't act against their will without losing their trust and destroying the most important part of being a caregiver - the therapeutic relationship.

I wrote the original letter in Yahoo, then added material in Word, then posted it here.  The formatting is not what I wanted it to be, so please excuse it.

5 types of Koshinage

There was a logic to my Sensei's system of Aikido that I didn't respect enough when I was still training there.  We had to do Koshinage from the first test (a requirement now dropped) and every test there after.  The tests called for specific attacks, and often specific variations were expected of the Mudansha.  We were always made aware that other variations existed for each name -  for example, I remember four very separate and distinct variations of Shomenuchi Koshinage.

These are harder falls, and they are more difficult for beginners to perform.  At Ikkyu many associations expect 5 Koshinage.  Not all dojo actually teach much about Koshinage leading up to this point, so trying to do five different ways becomes difficult and not well expressed.  This is my experience in the USAF, but I realize different dojo have different regular practices.  A number of times, I have come across Aikido students who are taking Judo classes to learn to do Koshinage for Aikido tests.  This is a sad comment.

The old requirements for hip throws alone in the CAF:

Gokyu:  Katate Dori Koshinage (with or without a tenkan)
Yonkyu:  Shomenuchi Koshinage
Sankyu:  Tsuki Koshinage
Nikyu:  Morote Dori Koshinage, Yokomenuchi Koshinage, Kubishime Koshinage
Ikkyu:  Ushiro Ryote Dori, Plus 5 Koshinage, plus Aikiotoshi (a reverse Koshinage variation?)

Along the way, we were taught more than one way to do Tsuki Koshinage (one using an Ikkyo, one using an Uchi Tenkan).  We were all taught how to do a specific variation of Kata Dori Menuchi using a Soto Tenkan Tenkai.

If you learn how to do Ikkyo to any attack (we had to) then learn how to make Ikkyo a Koshinage (what I did at Yonkyu for Shomenuchi Koshinage) then you can do hip throws to anything.  It's accurate, but this is pretty low level stuff. 

I started to codify my own five types of Koshinage.  I am embarrassed that I too am borrowing heavily from Judo in the names and the pictures.  I never learned how to codify Aikido Koshinage.  Demonstrations, often with no discussion, is how we show different ways of doing things to each other.

First, I see one arm extending whether in an Ikkyo, Sankyo, Yonyo, Gokyo, Shihonage or Ai Hamni grip.  I call the first one a single projection.  Until I get some posing done, these are the best pics available through Google.  I apologize to the the people who have put these pictures online.  I know you didn't volunteer for this.  As soon as I can get my own pictures taken, I'll replace these.

Second is like a Judo O-Goshi or Uke Goshi.  Hold around Uke, extend another part or wrap it around you.  I am deliberately vague as in Judo, wrapping around the waist or through the groin or around the neck or with Uke facing towards you or away from you is a different name and a different technique but I see one side pull in and the other extend.

Third is like a Tenchinage Heaven and Earth throw.  Having two hands active at different heights can mean a number of different expressions.  Judo calls it tsuri komi goshi.  I had a hard time finding a pic that showed both hands actively extending and controlling Uke - a number of times, the upper hand just ended up wrapping around Uke and more into the previous type of throw.

Fourth was something I started to call Seoinage.  The trajectory is pretty vertical, with Uke stretched over my shoulder and hips instead of just across the hips.  I am aware that Judo actually considers this a Te Waza (Hand technique) instead of a hip throw.  This is how I learned Kubishime Koshinage.  I tend to consider some of the pics more a form of makikomi, as there is a horizontal rotational force that wraps Uke around Nage's spine. Nage doesn't have Uke going over the shoulder but instead around it. The differences are slight, but I like to keep them distinct.

The final type is difficult for me to find a picture of.  We did this at Ikkyu, after having several years of koshinage leading up to it.  It is a harder throw, and a harder fall.  I learned it from Ushiro Ryotedori, and for no worthwhile reason that was the name I gave to the throw.

I spent a long time online looking for a pic, and finally just went to an old video of myself:

Both arms are extending, and Uke travels hip to shoulder.  For Uke to fall safely I need to raise the one arm higher at the end.

There are a number of different Koshinage out there.  Most Aikido doesn't seem to codify them, so I am submitting my own vague, broad and not terribly useful codification.  There are many great pictures out there, I just found these were the best to show what I was trying to describe.  Koshinage is often made different by the overall technique:  The initial blend and lead, the moment the koshinage is applied, and the final cut.  So, the number of possibilities out there is huge and almost limitless.  With these five ideas, I saw how I could add a koshinage to any of the other basic techniques.  It's a flavour of a basic like Ikkyo or Shihonage, almost a coat of paint lacquered over the actual technique underneath.  I saw that pure koshinage is very rare.  Kokyunage is still an Aikido technique pared down to it's most basic essence.

Comments welcome.  Do you agree that most Aikido koshinage fall into these five types?

Aikiotoshi was never called a Koshinage for us, and Judo has Sukuinage which comes under Te Waza again, but I do see a form of Koshinage that rotates outward while the above all tend to rotate inward.

Bananas Foster with Vanilla Cheesecake

Is Aikido violent?

Aikido is now very much the Art of Peace.  We have our loving, compassionate practices.  We talk about our spiritual superiority.  Ironically most often when told our art has become less practical, many students become more competitive and defensive about our spiritual dimension.  Effectiveness has become a dirty word that many think only applies to MMA.  Were we ever an art of violence?

Stanley Pranin had a great blog entry on whether or not O Sensei had ever killed anyone.  Like many, I assumed it was self-evident that he had, but Mr Pranin had a great deal more information to offer on the subject as always (check it out in the Aikido Journal).  There are no recorded deaths caused by O Sensei.  There are a few isolated incidents, like a demonstration in front of the Emperor where he broke an uke's collarbone - and I'm not sure if this was unusual in that he hurt a man (O Sensei got stage fright?) or if the situation was unusual in that there was no escaping the public scrutiny (something much easier to do behind the closed doors of O Sensei's own dojo).

Some have said O Sensei never killed anyone as a solider in the Sino-Russian war, that he was enlightened even then and refused to do so.  This gets people courtmartialed today; it probably got soldiers shot back then so I don't subscribe to this idea.  Instead, O Sensei's son writes about how his father was given the honour of walking at the head of the formation and was well know for his skill with the rifle and bayonet - a weapon with precious few harmless applications.  Takeda Sensei, his teacher, was also not a man given to harmless, painless application.  I believe O Sensei was a man who was harshly tested and eventually became skilled enough to make a choice.

O Sensei had gone to China in an attempt to spread the Omoto Kyo religion and to be with his spiritual leader, Deguchi.  While they did end up in prision and gained the emnity of a local warlord, Omoto Kyo apparently did retain followers in both China and Japan.  I have heard there is a Chinese influence on Omoto Kyo, but I cannot verify this. 

So, (my own interpretation of events) World War Two came and O Sensei was "too old" to fight or considered too important a trainer for the military - he did not get back to the front line.  He got to stay home, train the troops and then eventually was left with the now childless parents or the widows and orphans of his deceased students, or the wounded and recently crippled returning soldiers.  With some Chinese contacts, I can imagine he heard of the atrocities happening on the front and possibly from both sides of the conflict.  Tokyo would also have been a military target, making his family and dojo at risk.  He left Tokyo in 1942, the same year as the first bombing raids on Tokyo but before the end of the war, and moved to the small farming community of Iwama. 

Not long afterward, Kawahara Shihan was a boy living in the outskirts of Nagasaki when the city was hit with the atomic bomb.  He was a later a teenager living in Osaka, and joined the local Aikido dojo at 17.  Osaka was very heavily bombed during the war, with estimates at over 10 000 civilians killed in 8 major bombing raids.  Over a ton of incendiary bombs were dropped on a city of 3 million.  He spoke of people so desperate that knife fights were breaking out over food even after the war had ended.

Compared to my own history with a small CN Railway town on the bald prairie the differences are laughable.  The "city" grew to 5000 people during my time there.  This place was nearly as "white bread" as you can get - the nearest indian reserve was an hour away.  There were virtually no representatives of any other colour.  We were too homogeneous for even the idea of ethnic violence.

Violence was something that happened in hockey - with the fight to serious injury ratio being heavily skewed.  The playground was a place where people made vague threats and made appointments to meet and maybe in the very rare occassion give someone a black eye.  I saw and participated in a number of fights - I have only one memory of ever even seeing blood.  The height of cruelty was letting the air out of someone's bicycle tires - forcing someone to walk two blocks to the nearest gas station.

Later on, guys would talk about getting drunk and getting in a fight.  I would hear the stories of their exploits on Monday morning.  No one was too injured to get to school the next day.  No one was arrested.  Most people never even looked like they had been in a fight, even an hour after having "got the shit kicked out of them."  We had no concept of what violence could be.

I compare my childhood violence to Sensei's childhood violence and I feel ridiculous.  It never occured to me that the drunk looking for a fight on Friday night wouldn't be a good guy to do business with or talk to on Saturday morning.  I would sometimes feel threatened, but I was absolutely never in danger.  I never even had a house key.  I could go for a walk to anywhere in town at any hour and have no concern outside of staying warm in the winter.  On the few occassions there was a fight not on the rink, it never occured to me that the people engaged in violence might come after me or any of my friends.  We could form a ring around the two "combatants" and it never occured to any of us we might get injured as bystanders.  Weapons were never used.

Compare this to a mother and child huddled in a bomb crater trying not to get noticed by the armed gang of marauders walking by, terrified of rape and murder or having the last scrap of food stolen and left to suffer a slow death.  No police, virtually no medical care, clean water, food and shelter a priceless commodity.  O Sensei's idea of protecting the world in it's best possible state is a very different in a warzone.  My very brief time in Hombu Dojo had me come into contact with people from Israel, Yugoslavia and South Africa.  These people also had training very different from mine.

Is Aikido a strictly harmless art?  I had some teachers say so, but they came from places like Hawaii, long after Pearl Harbour.  Often, these people had a very rigid idea of what Aikido was, but then taught "Jujitsu" and other arts on the same mat during the same Aikido class.  The student still learned how to escalate when required.  For my Sensei, Aikido was a complete art with a large number of options.  The peaceful art was not a matter of a certain movement or hand position - we had choices.  We could exercise our choices, and we could escalate the violence when we needed to.  Our minds and our hearts were the expression of the Art of Peace.  We had the choice, and we did the bare minimum.  By Choice.  We didn't get stuck in our responses out of ignorance.  We learned harmless peaceful Aikido was a luxury that Sensei had not been afforded.

For example, when we learned Tanto Dori:  As the Tanto was a dangerous weapon at close range, there was a range of responses that changed with the rank we were testing for.  The Ikkyu student was the lowest rank to do this on an exam, and therefore determined to be at the most risk.  The Uke's arm was secured, the motion was made to break the arm and the knife fell to the floor.  Uke was thrown away and not pinned.  No attempt was made to control the knife, the knife was just taken out of the equation. 

By Shodan and Nidan, Uke would be pinned and Nage would retain the knife.  Controlling the knife and Uke became a higher priority.  The student would be expected to show more restraint as they demonstrated more control.

The last Sandan tests I saw Sensei give, Nage was asked to take the knife without ever throwing or pinning Uke.  The Sandan candidate was expected to have the skills to stay safe while keeping Uke safe, but had to have the ability to escalate.  The Ikkyu student was expected to show that they knew enough to not sacrifice their own safety for the sake of their attacker's and they needed to show they understood the basic kata all contained very damaging moves.  Protecting Uke was secondary when you could be killed instantly.  Keeping Uke safe was an advanced practice to aspire to, not a given outcome and not a dogmatic mandate to adhere to even if it got you killed.  We learned all techniques could be pins, throws, hip throws, atemi waza and higikime.  This made for a much more complex Tanto Dori system than I have seen elsewhere in Aikikai. 

I can't teach this type of tanto dori here because the students who cringe watching the silly cartoon violence they see on TV can't even agree to learn the most basic (most damaging) form of Tanto Dori.  They only try to do kata that would get them killed because they don't have the ability to control Uke yet.  Their response is to stand in judgement of Sensei, whose only concern was that his students would be safe.  Their preception of violence really says that they have never been tested and that they can't even imagine a situation where their lives are at risk.  This one-note practice is I think what has people questioning Aikido's effectiveness and validity as a martial art.

I feel we should embrace our spiritual mandate.  We should be an Art of Peace.  But, we should not be insular, we should not rewrite history and we should not condemn those who continue to try continue to make Aikido a powerful and applicable martial art.  O Sensei and my Sensei were men from another generation that had harsh realities that I do not think should be sanitized so as not to offend our own tender sensibilities.  When we do, we just abandon the larger world outside the dojo and we become an irrelevant anachronism. 

Injury

I was driving home from a restaurant not long after my last post and an oncoming car turned into traffic, hitting my car head on.  The airbags deployed, breaking my windshield.  I felt sore but I made it home thinking I could just sleep it off.  I've been training for a couple of decades, what's another day of aches and pains?  I wasn't exactly correct for that.  The whiplash has made sitting in front of  a computer for any length of time very painful until recently.  Lots of opportunities to practice seated and standing meditation, with no breakfalls and very few rolls.  I'm just starting to get back to having a full day without pain.  Flexiril is my friend.  Thanks to my boss for giving me light duties along the way.  Maybe soon I can get some koshinage video up as promised.

Edible Book Festival 2012

Mom was a librarian for many years.  She's also the one who taught me how to make gingerbread.  So, when a contest to support the Duke University Library Memorial Fund, I was interested.  The theme is Edible Books, with a catagories for "Least Edible", "Most Edible" and entry that most resembles a book.  I actually found out about this contest nearly a year in advance and I immediately knew what I wanted to do. 

Mom read this book to me at least a hundred times, but always seemed to get caught up in the "Run, Run as Fast as you Can, You Can't Catch Me, I'm the GINGERBREAD MAN!"  She never finished the story, when the obnoxious little cookie gets eaten by a fox.  I just got so pumped I'd be ready to run around the house for a bit before bed.  I think I had it in my head that the gingerbread man was still out there outrunning the whole world.  I'm sure I would have cried if she had finished the story for me.

So, using my sugar cookie on twice baked gingerbread technique:

I got asked several times if that is a giant gob of icing in the center, or if I used a block of styrofoam in the middle.  NO.  The book is a book make of gingerbread.  I was going for both "The Most Edible" and "Most Resembling A Book" catagories. 

Though I never compete in baking competitions, there might have been a tensy bit of "well, it's not really fair to the other kids if I compete..."  I got my ass kicked by the competition.

http://blogs.library.duke.edu/preservation/2012/04/04/edible-book-festival-roundup/#comment-5537

I also got told they made $10.00 raffling my entry off.  So, if I go the way of my two cousins and become a professional baker I am worth 83 cents an hour.  Thank goodness for this nursing thing...

I had fun doing this and I am looking forward to next year.

Counter Top and Box Koshinage Ukemi Exercises

Koshinage is a difficult technique to do well.  Usually, the feedback I had was that I was "too high" if I couldn't throw someone at all.  "Low enough" was not well defined, and while too low can still make for a good throw it affected my stability and my ability to move to sink past a point.  Dropping to hanmi handachi, mae sutemi or yoko sutemi are better choices if I end up that low to the ground.

When I was helping my wife get ready for her Sandan test, I came up with a few exercises that had me get a better sense of when I had someone underneath my center.  I had heard the phrase "Under Uke's Center" many times, but I never could clearly define it.  So, I wasn't able to help my wife get a good sense of what "proper hip placement" was.

In playing with these two exercises, I developed a much better sense of what is meant to be "Under My Center."  Then, I would take that into being Uke and I would make sure that the person I was practicing with got a good sense of what proper hip placement was by giving it to them.  With Nage experiencing proper hip placement, they were able to have a sense of how to refine their technique.  Otherwise, a good throw was an accident that happened all to infrequently and Nage could train for a long time without feeling good hip position.

The first exercise came out of some low level bouldering.  I am not a technical climber.  In trying to get up on a rock or over a fence, there is a point that what I identify as my center (two inches below my belly button) can be making contact with the surface, but my balance is still precarious and trying to fall backwards.  I spent some time at home with a counter top.

1.  If my legs hang down straight, this is a large portion of my body weight pulling me downwards.  I can't stretch my body out without falling backward.  For a person throwing me in this position, they are fighting my body weight wanting to go in the opposite direction they want to throw me in.
2.  If my legs are hanging straight, my legs anchor me in place.  A common bit of advice was to "extend more."  If my legs have anchored my body, Nage will have a huge amount of resistance if they try to extend my body further.

Both of these things mean koshinage will feel difficult.  Nage will probably get a sore shoulder and they may feel their balance is compromised as my body is moving with gravity against Nage.  To get my legs unachored, Nage needs to take a very aggressive and excessive twist which is harder on Nage's back and structure.

Nage will probably also need to use one arm against my legs to push my legs upwards.  I argue against practicing this as only simple Aikido koshinage allow for one arm to be free to be used in this manner.  O Goshi, Seoinage, Tenchinage and Ushiro Ryotekubidori styles all use both arms.  If the second arm is always rescuing a bad placement, you will never learn good hip placement and many koshinage variations will be beyond your ability.  Outside of practice in a real situation - do whatever you need to.

When I move forward just a few inches so that my thighs touch the counter, relaxing my legs doesn't pull me backward.  I can move my upper body in a number of different ways, and I won't fall backward.  I can pull myself forward very easily.  Now koshinage feels like much less force is involved.

The Counter Exercises

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After getting a very clear sense of when I was fully on the counter top, I started to use an ottoman that was the width of my hips.  This is the width of the surface that I am learning to fall over when taking ukemi.

Again, when my legs hang straight, I am falling backwards and Nage will have to fight harder to do the throw.  I am difficult to move, and the throw is much harder to do.

1.  When my hips are forward enough for my thighs to be making contact, then I can be pushed or pulled forward much more easily.
2.  When I am in a good hip position, when I relax my legs and try to lower them my thighs push on the Nage's hips and I am propelled forward and over.

The Box Exercise

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As Uke, when someone needed to use extra force just to achieve the throw, the fall was much more awkward.  When I was being thrown well, the fall was much easier to take.  Nage can pay more attention to how to make the throw safer and more comfortable for Uke when the load is correct.  Of course, when Uke is loaded well the fall can be made much more forceful as all the force and movement is working together in the same direction.  With a bad load, Nage is wasting a huge amount of effort that gravity is fighting.  Moving with gravity is always easier.

In other words, Uke needs to be willing to teach Nage what good hip placement feels like.  Otherwise, there is just years of happy accidents before Nage gets it right.  I have been told this is obvious, but the proof is in the practice - out of all the people I showed this to, when I watched their practice later maybe only one understood it.  Hopefully someone out there will get something out of this.


Ironically, the biggest barrier I had to teaching some students good hip placement is that they expect koshinage to feel like hard work. They expect forceful resistance and they expect to need to use huge amounts of strength. Of course, with Iriminage, Shihonage or Ikkyo they would never think such huge amounts of force and strain were correct. The first big barrier seems to be to get a student to accept that koshinage can be a highly refined, precise and relaxed technique that relies on structure, timing and placement like any other Aikido movement.

Timing

I remember these three terms from years ago when I was studying Shotokan Karate - I didn't study long.  I remember the teacher was very much focused on timing as part of the relationship between the attackers.  It is common for me to hear about Ma-ai or the physical relationship distance between training partners, but the timing is not discussed as much.  We are a defensive art, and focused on self-development and peace.  So, we default to believing the timing of our technique is only done in a response to another's attack.

This is fair.  If I am focused on attacking, then trying to find the true peaceful solution to an issue is difficult.  My brain would be running in two different directions, and probably doing a poor job of either option.

Timing in response to an attack is Go No Sen.  The attacker has made a plan and initiated their attack and I am moving in response to this.  I am moving late.  The attack has already happened, and I am trying to not get hurt.  Usually Go No Sen is associated with retreating footwork and blocking, then counter attacking.  The movement is a 1-2.

I can shorten the time needed with practice, and I can develop my reflexes and find ways to move faster.  But, I am still starting late and my preceptions I think aren't fully engaged.  For me, if I wait until someone is swinging their Yokomenuchi or Shomenuchi at my head, then my block often feels like a hard impact and a clash of forces.  Tenshin and most Ura techniques work for this - the attack continues on, and I just get out of the way.  Irimi techniques are almost impossible.  A series of attacks from Uke is difficult to deal with - if my thinking is purely about receiving, then I am not thinking about getting to a better location or ma-ai.

Timing with the attack is Sen No Sen and something that feels a little bit more like Aikido to me.  This is not to be mistaken for Ai Uchi or mutual kill.  As soon as the attacker is moving, I am moving.  They intend to hit a target that is being relocated even as they are trying to hit it. 

I find I have a much softer blocking motion with this.  This can be a very cool, intimate practice with two people who are focused on this well timed relationship in motion.  "It's alot like dancing..."  (thank you Terry Dobson).  I am playing a much more active role in the timing with this mindset.  Irimi feels the same as tenkan - I'm just moving to the spot that I am lead to while leading Uke.  Defence and Counter Attack are one.  For people focused on peaceful interaction this can feel aggressive.  If you do not trust your partner, this level of intimacy feels unnerving.

A third type of timing that I was introduced to but had little occassion to practice was Sen Sen No Sen.  This is the timing I use in Irimi if I can.  It's the most difficult for me, but the most forgiving to practice.  I am in the lead.  I initiate.  The timing is not just starting first, it is launched in anticipation of an attack where the opponent is fully committed to their attack and thus psychologically beyond the point of no return.  Out of the Taiji Classics:  "I start second but finish first."  I see the subtle weight shift in my opponant, and I start moving. 

Against Shomenuchi, the arm is raising and I help it up.  The arm never gets a chance to start descending.  With Yokomenuchi, the arm is being raised and pulled back by my opponant, and then I am against their arm before they ever start to strike forward.  If my structure is right, I get inside Uke's balance before they can issue power.  I brace against the initiation of the attacking force, and then their attack force throws them off balance.  There is almost no impact on my arms.  Irimi is easy with this timing.  Thinking of this timing with tenkan or tenshin is difficult.

Sensei showed other applications of this timing:  I do Shomenuchi, and when Uke blocks I use their arm to apply my technique.  My movement elicits the movement of Uke - Uke is now moving in response to me.  Another way to use it is to attack the split second before Uke moves at all.  So, rather than catching the Shomenuchi while it is raising, Uke never gets a chance to raise their arm.  In my effort to be just slightly ahead of Uke's movement, I might startle them into freezing and I still move forward.

Sen Sen No Sen is very tricky and being able to read Uke well is a must.  This is the true difference between Sen Sen No Sen and just merely attacking first.  "My opponant is thinking of attacking me, but I am already behind him."  (O Sensei)  This became less of a part of modern Aikido because I think students come to our art with a spiritual template that doesn't allow for the idea of moving before the attack.

Yonkyo

Yonkyo is one of the osae-waza of Aikido.  The name translates into "fourth teaching."  This does not refer to more advanced material over Ikkyo (first teaching) nor does it refer to order of importance nor are all Aikido techniques numbered.

In Daito Ryu, there was a fourth catalogue of 15 techniques called Yonkajo, one of which resembles the basic Yonkyo in part.  Some of the other techniques resemble variations on Yonkyo that I was taught.  Some techniques in the Daito Ryu Yonkajo I think most modern Aikido students would not recognize as being related to Yonkyo.

http://youtu.be/8XuPIxKJl5I

In Yoshinkan, the name Yonkajo was retained but there is only one technique being referred to.  Aikikai refers to Yonkyo, and again it is one technique.

Sensei once told me that there was no technique called Yonkyo in the “old days,” rather all the techniques all involved some version or aspect of Yonkyo.  I never got to really clarify this with him.  Certainly, Yonkyo focuses all your structure and intention on one point of your Uke, and uses this to manipulate Uke’s overall structure.  The feel of Yonkyo can be found in Shihonage and many other techniques. 

One seminar I was told a story about a student from a rural dojo who came to the large city school and could pin everyone in the big school with his Yonkyo.  I remember being inspired somehow, and I'm not sure why.

Under Sensei, I also learned two specific Omote and Ura variations, using two different pressure points, as well as a Ki No Nagare variation.  I had to learn four different Yonkyo pins – for my Gokyu test!  I learned about Yonkyo on other body parts, and how to use this feeling of Yonkyo in any grab.  Locally, I see students trying to make all Yonkyo only one thing.  The USAF doesn’t require Yonkyo on their test requirements.

Lessons I learned from this technique: 

1)       Don’t focus on causing pain.  Focus on the control.  Pain will hurt, but pain only makes Uke madder.  If your Uke isn’t controlled, you are in trouble.  I see people that focusing on causing pain to their Uke to the exclusion of all else.  If Uke says it doesn’t hurt yet, ask them to stand up.  If it doesn’t hurt but they can’t move, this is much better than if they feel pain but shake free and jump right up.  My time working with young offenders and mental patients showed me how futile and counterproductive pain compliance can be.  Control is always the goal.

2)      Don’t focus on the one pressure point.  The goal is to affect all of your Uke.  The one point on Uke’s wrist should affect his shoulder and spine and ultimately his balance and his ability to move.  Tunnel vision on the wrist won’t help achieve this.

3)      Yonkyo is one of the more painful techniques early on, but one of the least likely to cause damage.  This makes it ideal for some forms of mental training.

4)      Trying to inflict more pain or better control by using more muscle doesn’t work.  Nage needs to relax and extend.  When my wife teaches, she does a variation on Tai no Tenkan where Uke is just placing their open hand against Nage.  Uke learns to follow and to keep their hand connected and in her words, "Avoid the grabby feeling."  This is true for all grabs, but Yonkyo is one technique that really works this ability.  Muscular, stiff grabbing stops Yonkyo from happening at all.  The hands need to relax, project, connect to your whole body and extend.

5)      Yonkyo is not done by your hands.  Your hands are where Yonkyo is finally expressed from, but you must use a whole body motion.  To do Yonkyo, I feel it start in my toes and knees, go through my pelvis and up my spine then out my arms to the knuckle joint.  The tiny spot of contact is hit with my whole body.

The actual Daito Ryu Yonkajo seems to show cracking Uke’s skull on the ground with the impact, and the shoulder can eventually dislocate with a very forceful full body pin.  Really, the pin manipulates the anatomy in a very similar way to the Nikyo Ura and Sankyo pins.  Uke is in the same configuration, the difference is in Nage.

Without an aggressive intent to damage Uke, there is no risk to fingers or wrists breaking with most variations.  Elbows are not at risk of being broken with most versions.  Uke’s neck is safe when pinned.  Uke gets to feel the pain, and relax.  Nage gets to inflict pain, and relax.  At worst, there will be a bruise on a beginner’s wrist.  Very soon with regular practice, even the bruises stop.  Now the mental training can start.

It is an unfortunate reality with self defence techniques that we will be working against someone else.  We will have chosen to stop someone from doing something.  This choice is foreign to a number of our students as we have become “The Peaceful Art.”  A split second hesitation in our application, and we will fail.  As we become okay with inflicting pain, we start to steel our resolve to action. 

This isn’t just for violence – doing a dressing change or giving an injection to a patient is also difficult because of the need to cause pain in someone else.  I still flinch remembering a young woman needing sutures put in her lip.  The needle driver would dig into her lip, the thread would pull, her eyes would water and her whole face was a mask of pain with each movement.  But, she needed this to stop bleeding.

Being worried about causing pain distracts me, makes my hands clumsy and my patient feels more pain!  My patient feels more pain over a longer period of time because my fear-clumsy hands take longer to do a procedure.  My fear is magnified when I have witnesses and an audience, and I think for me it is out of a sense of guilt and failure.  I am there to reduce suffering; when you suffer, I fail.

Once I am okay with the reality that, as a health care professional, I will cause pain, then I can relax and develop ways to reduce the pain I cause.  I can talk calmly and soothingly.  I can start being more aware of my technique, causing the least amount of pain in the shortest amount of time because I’m not being distracted by my fear.

I stopped telling patients, “this won’t hurt a bit.”  I tell them, “this is going to suck” if in fact it will.  They feel respect for their suffering, and they can adjust.  There is no point in lying to them – they can feel it in my hands when I don’t believe what I am saying.  I do tell them, “I will do everything I can to make this more comfortable.”  And then, I do. 

Martially, when I am okay with causing pain nothing of myself is held back.  My whole mind (and therefore the whole body) is then committed to what I must do.  I can develop this while Uke is not at great risk for injury.

An important mental practice is also there for Uke.  As Uke, I feel the pain.  Pain is scary.  Pain threatens me on a very core level.  I stop thinking properly.  My years of training can be overwhelmed.  I become my most animal self and Fight or Flee.  In some techniques like Nikyo or Higi-Kime, a sudden reflexive panic flinch or jump can lead to injury.  We are slaves to our base instincts at this level.  Safe ukemi becomes an accident, not a practiced response.  Eventually, the panic will come at the wrong time and cause harm.  The self-control that is the hallmark of a senior martial artist is absent.

With some students, I will give them a “mantra” that I use myself.  Yes, it’s from Dune. 

“Fear is the Mind-killer.”

“I will embrace my fear.”

“I will let my Fear pass through me.”

“Only I will remain.”

And, for myself:  “Pain makes Fear worse, Fear makes Pain worse.”  I try to get calmer with each iteration.  I feel each joint relax further, and maybe stretch a little more while trying to be very aware of the injury threshold.  (This is for very slow and mindful practice by both partners.)  The pain is always lessened as I relax.  Tension and fear always make the pain more intense. 

In other techniques, injury can indeed follow pain.  Waiting to tap when Uke is trying to find an elbow lock can leave you permanently crippled.  With Yonkyo, the worry is much less.  This gives Aikido people a chance to train to work through pain. 

In real violence, getting hit in the face is enough to leave some people stunned and defenseless.  It might not be because of injury, but a numb fear response from the violence and the pain.  Pain and shock overwhelm the trained reflexes. 

In receiving techniques, we get to feel the pain, and keep calm and mindful anyway.  We are still ourselves.  Je Me Souviens!  The fear of pain no longer stops the student from acting in a rational, safe and determined fashion.  Your mind will make the leap to calming down when faced with pain and fear in general, in time.  You can stay calm in the face of fear and pain.  This reflex can save your life.  I really believe that.

I had to practice Yonkyo for every grading until Nidan.  I had to learn Yonkyo against Shomenuchi, Tsuki, Morote Dori, Yokomenuchi and Ushiro Ryokata Dori.  Many seminars involved Yonkyo practice, including my very first that left my hands too weak to feed myself the evening after practice.  My pain tolerance is much more than it used to be. 

This isn’t the most effective technique in the Aikido arsenal for me.  There are people out there with thick wrists and lots of scar tissue that won’t feel the pain and some people whose shoulders are too stiff to allow me to easily get them in the controlling position.  Wadokai Aikido dropped it from their syllabus altogether, opting to only teach more “guaranteed  result techniques.”  Not all people who told me it wasn’t worth practicing because it could be resisted could actually resist even my Yonkyo. Sensei, of course, was much better than me.   

Apparently this was the technique demonstrated on a member of the Secret Service during an early Aikido demonstration to an American president.  The technique of course worked.  I find it is very worth practicing.  The mental training gained has helped me in my general life.

For me, Yonkyo is about all of my intention aimed at and applied to one body part of Uke in an effort to control Uke’s body and balance.  Compared to Morote Dori Kokyu Ho, where a teacher might say, “be a flower opening up” in Yonkyo one might talk about “skewering” someone or describe a laser beam-like intention.

This sounds to me as related to something like Atemi, or striking techniques.  After 20 years, I still see so much to get out of this one technique.

Koshinage

I seldom teach at the dojo where I train now.  Koshinage is something of a vague specialty that I am noticed for.  I had to do Koshinage for every test from fifth kyu on, and I had a direct student of O Sensei give me corrections during those tests.


One Aikido forum had questions recently about whether or not the legs should be together or apart.  I can't apparently post there, so I'll post here.


1.  Don't mistake a training method for the actual technique.  Sensei had me keep my knees together on my earlier tests, and then later often asked Yudansha to do whatever they would.


2.  Find out the "Why" of the specific teaching.  The teaching will change from variation to variation, but not the reason for the teaching.  For the sake of clarity, I refer sometimes to the “true teaching;”  the teaching that is there behind several contradictory statements.


Why is Aikido Koshinage different from Judo, and how is it the same?


Judo was created to be a complete time capsule of the Japanese jujitsu arts.  Kano Jigoro wanted the various arts preserved, and he wanted them transformed into a safer practice.  For some techniques, they only exist in Judo kata.  For others, Kano Sensei saw a chance for friendly competition.  He believed in venues like the Olympics that bring the world together for something safe and fun and believed safe competition could transcend global politics.  He wanted a departure from the battlefield being the only time that martial artists and clashing cultures would come together.  I respect that vision.  This is a vision that is completely compatible with Aikido ideals even if it is fully in violation of Aikido practice.


Judo embraces competition, which means that the practice surface is safe to land on - relatively softer and smoother with no foreign objects.  There is only one opponent.  There are no weapons.  There is a referee, who is to be obeyed at all times.


Aikido, for all the pacifist language, kept some of the battlefield mindset.  We do not go to the ground, because we are ready for the next attacker.  We want to have a clear view of the room, and we want to be stable and mobile.  We want to keep the awareness of our space.  Even with the same soft, smooth practice surface and the instructor watching over us, we treat the mat as a battlefield.  This is from O Sensei’s rules for practice, and this is the biggest single source of differences between Judo and Aikido techniques.  This is why we do not do Brazilian Jujitsu/Judo style pins; we do not want to be kicked/stepped on/stabbed by the second attacker.


The other glaring difference between Judo and Aikido unfortunately is not so complimentary to modern Aikido.  Kano Jigoro took a very methodical approach to his art that was one part historian, one part scientist.  In Judo, a technique is clearly named.  The Judo technique will be clearly differentiated from other techniques.  The Kodokan will have done extensive research on how to apply this technique safely, and the senior Judo teacher will know how to make the technique more effective in very clinical terms using psychology, anatomy and physics.  A Judo book published by the Kodokan will have several ways to reverse or block this specific technique.  The book will discuss variations and options that appear from your partner trying to block you from doing this specific technique.  The teaching will be clearly, concretely worded and very applicable.


An Aikido book referring to koshinage will probably have flowery language talking about the “flow” and "rhythm of nature" and will probably have pictures of waves crashing over rocks on a pristine shoreline or pencil sketches of Mount Fuji.  If not, then the description will be very stark and not offer much depth of information for a student.  Effectiveness will take a back seat.  Effectiveness is another way of saying “using your body correctly” which means avoiding future injuries for either Uke or Nage as well as enhancing your overall quality of daily life.  Understanding effectiveness goes hand-in-hand with safe practice.

Somehow, "effectiveness" is a dirty word for some Aikido practitioners as this implies a focus on “victory.”  I have not yet met the Aikido genius that can reinvent the wheel and recreate over a century of Kano Jigoro’s very complete yet ongoing work into koshinage.  I think it is a disservice to our students to tell them to ignore Judo research sources, especially with a technique Aikido places less emphasis on.  Certainly, it is a disservice to have them think we are in competition with Judo. 


I am an Aikido student, and I love the art.  The injuries that happen in Judo I believe usually come from the competition overriding the desire for safe practice.  Aikido has an advantage here – we aren’t trying to “beat” anyone in the first place.  When an injury happens in Aikido, I usually see it happening out of ignorance – we spend so much time talking about non-injury that our students do not see the potential for injury.  We do not see how to make practice more safe, because we do not even clearly see the margin of safety.  Judo has an advantage here from doing scientific studies that Aikido people do not do.  Truthfully, I think many Aikido students harshly judge the notion of Aikido being submitted to scientific study.

Why legs apart or together?


The “Why” of keeping your legs together:

-           Beginners can rotate at their waist more easily.

-          You can tell if either leg is being collapsed or out of alignment.

-          This should feel stable, or this can help develop the feeling of stability.

-          You should be able to move very slowly in practice.

-          When Uke falls, they should slide off your hip and straight at the ground.  If your legs are splayed, uke will land on the side of your knee.

Legs apart is a more advanced variation.

-           Now, you can start to get back to that mobility that we want so much in everything else we do.

-          The legs are not just splayed – there is a full weight shift.  Nage’s weight is fully over the loading side, then fully over the unloading side.  When Uke falls, there is a straight line from the hip to the foot and the knee is protected from Uke’s fall.

So, one true teaching behind Koshinage is that the Nage’s knee needs to be protected and out of the way of Uke’s fall somehow.  This now applies to any particular Kime (cut) used in koshinage whether pulsing forward or stepping back or stepping underneath or starting wide and bringing the legs together or a very strong upper body projection or whatever.


Starting with the legs together is still the most basic way to teach this, and “legs together,” teaches Nage stability.  All the other methods involve momentum and movement by both Uke and Nage, which will challenge this stability and are more difficult to do.

We had a related issue in our own dojo.  A student wanted to learn to do Koshinage for her test.  She took advice from everyone she talked to, but everyone showed her a different variation of the throw.  So, she got lots of advice all given in a very authoritative tone:

“You must never grab Uke.”

“You must grab and then let go early.”

“You have to stay holding on and never let go”

The one true teaching behind all these statements above is that Uke needs to be able to rotate to avoid hitting their head on the ground.  Grab in an O Goshi style throw (O Goshi is a Judo name, but I never heard an Aikido name for it) and to have Uke rotate, you need to hold on to the lead arm.  Do an Ikkyo/Sankyo style throw, you must let go after Uke has grabbed around your shoulder or your waist.  Uke’s lead arm will be the center of their rotation is the true statement behind all the other statements.


Beginning Koshinage variations have Uke holding Nage.  If Uke is scared and unsure of their fall, they just need to let go and nothing happens.  This is a training method that gets used until Uke is relaxed and confident of their breakfalls.  A Nage suddenly grabbing the scared Uke sets off some panic which causes Uke to not be fully relaxed when they land.  Nage also doesn't get to force the throw with their upper body and only has their hips to work with.  This type of Koshinage is a training tool.  So, "never grab Uke" is a valid statement in context. 

In the context of specific variations, each of these statements is correct and makes it easier and safer for Uke to fall.  Outside of the specific context throw, each statement is suspect.  Applied to the wrong variation, each statement is absolutely wrong. 

Unfortunately, with several cooks in her Aikido kitchen, this student did get the various ideas mixed up and gave her Uke a much harder and much more dangerous fall than she meant to.

So, pick a teacher.  Think about what they say, but pay attention.  If they know what they are talking about, they are teaching you how to be safe and effective.  When you really understand what is being shown to you, then branch out.  And when you do listen to another teacher, think about the true teaching.  Six different people can show you six different things and give their corrections six different ways but they might just be all actually trying to point you in the same direction.